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August 9th, 2006

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12:17 am - public post
To paraphrase Ariel Truax (Ann-Margret) in "Grumpy Old Men", the things we regret the most are the risks that we don't take.

And I have taken many more risks in the past year than I have in my entire life.

I left a house where I was used as nothing more than a meal ticket.

I left a man in prison for a very serious crime.

I fell in love with someone who wasn't the right person for me, but you know what?

That, like life itself, is a learning experience.

I overcame my fear that I wouldn't be able to do any better and embraced life. L-I-F-E, to quote "Harold and Maude", LIFE!

For the first time in my life, I stepped out of my comfort zone and took the necessary steps to get out of a very unhealthy situation.

It took every amount of courage that I had to leave and not look back. I did not just move out, I moved on.

So when I see someone telling me that I have "no self-esteem" and feels the need to leave me a comment saying things like I think it's completely ironic that you tell other women to have esteem when you don't have ONE OUNCE of self respect for yourself. You don't have one ounce of self esteem and I'm sorry if it hurts but it's true. when they have no idea of what my life has been like, I am not only hurt, I'm also angry. My grandmother always told me that you can't judge a person until you've walked a mile in their shoes. have tried very hard to do that as I've grown up.

And yes, my self-esteem isn't as good as it could be. I won't deny that. But I am living my life honestly, and I won't apologize to anyone for that.

If I were to die tonight, I would die happy. I have a job that I love, friends who love me, a supportive and understanding family - when it comes to the important things, mind you - and a wonderful support network both online and off.

So back to the beginning. The things that we regret the most are the risks that we don't take. And if things don't end up the way that you want them to, you pick yourself up, you dust yourself off, and you start all over again. I am not going to look back at the age of 40 with nothing, I am going to look back and be proud of myself for leaving Mike and for at least taking a CHANCE to get the things out of life that I have always wanted. If I'm not able to achieve them, that's fine.

But at least I will know that I tried.
Current Location: at home
Current Mood: contentserene
Current Music: Inuyasha, because I lost my remote (puke)

(13 comments | Leave a comment)


[User Picture]
Date:August 9th, 2006 08:00 am (UTC)
You know it's not true. So do a lot of other people. That's what matters. And I'm sending you Clerks 2 so when you need a good laugh you can pop it in. :p
[User Picture]
Date:August 9th, 2006 08:25 am (UTC)
Great Post.... exactly what I needed to hear. *hugs* thanks
[User Picture]
Date:August 9th, 2006 11:12 am (UTC)
For the first time in my life, I stepped out of my comfort zone and took the necessary steps to get out of a very unhealthy situation

THAT in ITSELF, can be the hardest thing anyone could EVER hope to do.

You are one of the strongest and most confident people I know.
[User Picture]
Date:August 9th, 2006 01:25 pm (UTC)
Sometimes when we give advice. We are speaking from our personal experiences. Because I know if I love someone? I don't want them to make the same mistakes I made. It hurts when someone we love ends up fucking up royally. I mean I know from personal experience in working with ex-lover on a project. That I follow the Buckingham-Nicks rule. That rule is a reference to Stevie and Lindsey who broke up while recording Rumours and continued to stay in the band through an acrimonius spilt. A similar thing happened to me and it was hell. I was put in a situation where if I left the project I would have been branded as leaving because I could not stand the end of a sexual affair. So I stayed, grinned and beared it. Never again!
[User Picture]
Date:August 9th, 2006 02:19 pm (UTC)
you have done so well with everything since i have known you(online) ofcourse but i think you ahve came a long way , and you are happy and it shows , you deserve to be happy and i give you alot of credit cause you did something slot of people would notahve even tryed by stepping out of that comfort zone and having done that myself a few years ago , i know how you feel and i think it is great you did ...hugs
[User Picture]
Date:August 9th, 2006 10:20 pm (UTC)

At least you're real and true!

Your honesty might be misunderstood?


People may intimidated by your usage of words and thoughts to portray how you are feeling.

Go You!

[User Picture]
Date:August 10th, 2006 12:58 am (UTC)

Even though I removed you from my list a while back (personal issues that truly had little to nothing to do with you, I apologize) I always find myself checking your page.

What an amazing post I stumbled across today. Your outlook, courage and determination are a true marker for personal growth and success and I applaud you.

[User Picture]
Date:August 10th, 2006 01:31 am (UTC)
Thank you, Lauren...I honestly don't know what to say, but thank you.
[User Picture]
Date:August 10th, 2006 07:42 am (UTC)
you are very self aware, and we all grow and grow...or at least try to. you have done more than i have, you, are much braver than i
[User Picture]
Date:August 11th, 2006 07:24 am (UTC)
I fell in love with someone who wasn't the right person for me, but you know what?

That, like life itself, is a learning experience.

Well, true enough. Burning yourself on the stove is also an experience, but I don't know of anyone who would leave their hand there.

I like you, and I hate seeing you go through neverending painful drama with Chan. Since I know you refuse to put an end to it, I have to unfriend you. I just can't tolerate you letting this happen to you anymore.

(Sits back and waits for hateful comments.)
[User Picture]
Date:August 13th, 2006 02:17 am (UTC)
there really is no need for someone to tell you what you have or dont have... if they dont believe you have self esteem, there is a way better way to go about saying such a thing....

from the day you were put on my friends list to today, ive noticed growth, and it seems like i have seen you blossom in more ways than one ... and i have nothing but admiration and a feeling of being proud... i know you dont need that from me, nor are you lookin for approval (that i have noticed) but i thought it might be something you might like to hear....

good for you ....
[User Picture]
Date:August 22nd, 2006 02:24 am (UTC)
OK, so, other than both of us recently meeting finding_bliss, I think we have a tremendous amount in common. I'd like to be your friend. =)
[User Picture]
Date:August 22nd, 2006 02:40 am (UTC)
Not a problem! I'll add you ASAP. :)

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