August 9th, 2006
|12:17 am - public post|
To paraphrase Ariel Truax (Ann-Margret) in "Grumpy Old Men", the things we regret the most are the risks that we don't take.
And I have taken many more risks in the past year than I have in my entire life.
I left a house where I was used as nothing more than a meal ticket.
I left a man in prison for a very serious crime.
I fell in love with someone who wasn't the right person for me, but you know what?
That, like life itself, is a learning experience.
I overcame my fear that I wouldn't be able to do any better and embraced life. L-I-F-E, to quote "Harold and Maude", LIFE!
For the first time in my life, I stepped out of my comfort zone and took the necessary steps to get out of a very unhealthy situation.
It took every amount of courage that I had to leave and not look back. I did not just move out, I moved on.
So when I see someone telling me that I have "no self-esteem" and feels the need to leave me a comment saying things like I think it's completely ironic that you tell other women to have esteem when you don't have ONE OUNCE of self respect for yourself. You don't have one ounce of self esteem and I'm sorry if it hurts but it's true. when they have no idea of what my life has been like, I am not only hurt, I'm also angry. My grandmother always told me that you can't judge a person until you've walked a mile in their shoes. have tried very hard to do that as I've grown up.
And yes, my self-esteem isn't as good as it could be. I won't deny that. But I am living my life honestly, and I won't apologize to anyone for that.
If I were to die tonight, I would die happy. I have a job that I love, friends who love me, a supportive and understanding family - when it comes to the important things, mind you - and a wonderful support network both online and off.
So back to the beginning. The things that we regret the most are the risks that we don't take. And if things don't end up the way that you want them to, you pick yourself up, you dust yourself off, and you start all over again. I am not going to look back at the age of 40 with nothing, I am going to look back and be proud of myself for leaving Mike and for at least taking a CHANCE to get the things out of life that I have always wanted. If I'm not able to achieve them, that's fine.
But at least I will know that I tried.
Current Location: at home
Current Mood: serene
Current Music: Inuyasha, because I lost my remote (puke)
you are very self aware, and we all grow and grow...or at least try to. you have done more than i have, you, are much braver than i